the only birthday gift i really want is a happy birthday from him so that i know he cares, but i highly doubt i’ll get it

i feel so shit eh, ive gone and done a job trial and legit like tried and stuff and i thought i did okay - not great obviously because i’ve never worked there, and i’ve never worked around coffee and i thought i got the job because he asked me to come back in and so i thought i did okay and it turns out i did super shit? even though i didn’t get much help at all during my trial and erghhhhhhhhhhhh fsfjlkdsjfldsjfs this is just shit because i wanted a job so bad and i’ve tried so hard :( and now its my second trial tomorrow and i feel like this huge pressure is on even though i am trying my best and i cant help i slip up a few times, i did everything they asked though and erghhhhhh omg people are so mean ssly just cries 

i miss the way you would try contact me and not the other way around eh

blergh just one of those moods where i want to hear your voice, and talk to you about stupid shit and flirt even though we both deny ever having feelings ect ect and to have you kiss me and touch me and just feel you on me, next to me, around me erghhhhhhhhhh fuck it sucks liking someone coz you just want to be around them so much more and its only been a week since i last saw them dammit 

ahahahahaahahah im so fucking fucked up, id kill myself if i ever meet me 

i dont even know what to type my eyes are foggy, my body is cold because ive been sitting in the same spot in just underwear crying for the last 30 minutes and my head hurts from all the trapped thoughts….why? why do i get like this, when im trying so hard not to be

i don’t think i go a day without thinking about you and i feel wrong every time i do because you’re not mine and i have no right too.