Today and for the rest of my shifts I’m just going to actually be quiet and not talk about anything that’s of my interest and talk about there’s instead or customers or basic job shit because working with older people makes me just feel so awkward all the time coz they probably just think I’m some young dumb idiot mergh but hopefully if I’m quiet no one will pay me any attention and I can just get on with work and hope the shifts go quick

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Sometimes I wish I was every cliche out there, I wish I could just hide and be like every normal person out there. I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’m loud and stupid, I don’t have a huge group of friends, nothing about me is interesting or special, I’m not anything that society is saying my age is and it fucking sucks. I wish I was just mediocre and that I didn’t look pretty or ugly and that I had a normal size body and didn’t have a huge ass or massive hips and that my forehead was big like everybody else’s. Lately at work I’ve just because more and more stressed and anxious that I’m just this to loud annoying young dumb chick because all my teenage friends quit so I’m with older people and I feel as though I’m just so stupid to them. I just feel like they hate me and I’m just different ergh it’s the worst feeling sometimes when I’m there I just wish a huge black whole will swallow me up and I could disappear forever, it just makes it worse when I find one of the guys that work there so attractive because I’m just scared he thinks I’m this retard mergh I just want to be like all them and just be plain and ordinary and not young and loud and stupid and stuff this doesn’t make much sense but I just feel so inadequate to basically everyone in this world. I don’t fit in with people my age and I don’t fit in with older people and I just hate that I feel different and alone and I just want to be like everybody else :(

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a part of me wants to stop eating so my body can eat away into being super small but i also have learnt to appreciate my curves and my body again but ergh sometimes id rather be so skinny so i can hide away in that and for people to recognize me for being small, idk just sometimes id rather not be womenly because i dont even feel like anyone even notices me anyway  

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im not going to be a push over anymore, im not going to let you say one thing and then treat me life shit, i might have known you for a long time but your changing so much and i dont need friendships in my life that are become so bitter because most of the time you couldnt care less about me or my life your too self involved all the time now 

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Although the job I’ve got will suck and I’m working with food I’m so excited that I’ll have money and that I’ll be saving up to move to the UK. I’m happy I have a goal and an idea of what I’m doing with my life. Its only 6 months and then I can start fresh 😁😄

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sterility:

i wasn’t in a good place2014

i big part of me wishes that i hadnt of gotten this job so that i could have been leaving to england in the next month but now ill have to wait till the end of the year 

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19950522:

Got completely ditched by everyone for my birthday plans so I literally won’t be going out or doing anything for it because only one friend is coming. Fuck friends tbh

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I think the older I’m getting the more I realize I have nothing in common with my friends, if I was to get this job and stay in Brisbane the money would be of no use, I wouldn’t have anyone to go out with or talk too because I’m just not close to any of them anymore. Its not anyone’s fault its just life is kinda pulling us all in different directions and there not there for me but they don’t even need me anymore either. Idk what I’ll do but maybe moving will be a good idea, I can have a chance at meeting new people, and get away from this constant feeling of loneliness.

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