so i started kaylas 12 week challenge because i wanted to get in better shape, my body appeared skinny but i actually was starting to put on weight and needed to tone up - so far its going so well, i trailed it last week and now i have officially started and I’ve already improved since last week which makes me feel so much better already, my diet has changed too, just trying to cut out all the snacking on unhealthy stuff especially sugar, i really hope i can lose weight and start feeling confident in my body again because its just starting to really get me down, i struggle to buy clothes and even look at myself in the mirror, plus my energy levels have been so fucked over the last couple of months so hopefully regular exercise, a better consistent diet and more water will help with me having more energy 

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i wish these guys would just stop messaging me, one of them is so so so lovely and he’s so sweet but i just don’t want anything more than friendship and its gonna kill me to say that to hime because i know he wants sex and that off me and ergh its just i always give guys what the want but what i want is nothing, i want friendship and thats it and i know if i told them they’d want nothing to do with me, plus i hate hurting people like that because one upon a time that was me with someone else ergh 

i don’t even know why I’m typing any of this because I’m looking for help or answers with how to deal with a situation like this and no one off here will even read this 

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I just feel like crying and idk why I hate being a women, I hate feeling like I’m not good enough, just arghhhh my emotions are all over the place

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Idk why I didn’t know this but having a British passport is like a huge advantage, I can literally travel or move to anywhere in Europe. I didn’t realise that for some of my friends that they don’t have that option, they have to be accepted into Britain depending if they have family or are in need of them based on there job. I don’t know what id do if I new I was stuck here in Australia for the rest of my life. For so long I’ve hated that I was not born here and that I’m not a proper australian and now I’m so fucking thankful for having the opportunities other people won’t ever have because I was born in the UK

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a part of me wants to stop eating so my body can eat away into being super small but i also have learnt to appreciate my curves and my body again but ergh sometimes id rather be so skinny so i can hide away in that and for people to recognize me for being small, idk just sometimes id rather not be womenly because i dont even feel like anyone even notices me anyway  

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im not going to be a push over anymore, im not going to let you say one thing and then treat me life shit, i might have known you for a long time but your changing so much and i dont need friendships in my life that are become so bitter because most of the time you couldnt care less about me or my life your too self involved all the time now 

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Although the job I’ve got will suck and I’m working with food I’m so excited that I’ll have money and that I’ll be saving up to move to the UK. I’m happy I have a goal and an idea of what I’m doing with my life. Its only 6 months and then I can start fresh 😁😄

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sterility:

i wasn’t in a good place2014

i big part of me wishes that i hadnt of gotten this job so that i could have been leaving to england in the next month but now ill have to wait till the end of the year 

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