and another thing, i don’t even know why i try and give you advice of make you feel better when your upset especially with this new guy of yours because whenever i reach out to you about guy shit you just criticize everyone ive been with and complain how ugly they are and not actually hear me out or try and help me. i mean you don’t even ask how i am anymore, everythings just become about you lately
i knew you being nice to me would only last a couple of weeks since we made up and stuff and then you just start being a total bitch all over again and the worst part is you think your funny and entertaining everyone else by attacking me and stuff i say. its like no your not actually funny, you making me feel pretty shitty about myself and making me not want to be friends with you so cut it off. its sad that the only topic of conversation you like to have is rat bagging on someone you call a friend and just picking on them. its true when people say how you make someone feel shows a lot about yourself - because 80% of the time you make me feel like a worthless shit and i call you my best friend, kinda hoping you see this so i dont actually have to say it to your face and you can stop fucking upsetting me. the weird part is, you only do it when there’s other people around, you wont be such a bitch if its just us hanging out.
I have pretty much completely given up on life..I don’t even want to be around anymore. It’s not because of a stupid guy not liking me back or a fight with a friend. It’s just the sudden realization that I’m nothingness. It’s been six months since I finished tafe and not a single place will hire me, I’m trying and trying and trying and get nothing back. I had this whole idea of where I’d be at this age and basically I’m drifting further away from my goals. I’m just rotting away, there’s no content to me anymore, I have nothing to tell anyone, no life, and if I was to disappear I wouldn’t have any baggage left behind. I wish I didn’t wake up.
i feel so guilty for not having feelings for him anymore and not caring about him the way i once did. its so stupid because for 3 years he treated me like shit, is this normal when getting over someone? :/
i really hate when people upload ugly photos of you for the sake of a good photo of themselves, its like JUST FUCKING CROP ME OUT! and dont try and tell me i look good, my opinion of myself is more important than yours, if i think i look ugly, i look ugly RANT OVER
i hate that you haven’t even tried to say sorry, to call me up, text me even just message me saying you feel bad and are we okay? especially since i’m the one made to feel guilty, like its my fault i have feelings and you hurt them, im in the wrong and i shouldn’t have said anything. the worst part is i feel so secluded to everyone, apart from one person. i’m trapped in my house pretty much all week till the weekend and even then i don’t get invited to stuff. i cant fucking help i don’t have a job, i’m trying so hard every single fucking day to get one, i’ve applied for probably nearly 100 jobs in the last month, and it hurts that you think its that easy. if friendships are just built on money and its just about having someone else to spend yours with, then that’s actually really depressing, i know your materialistic but if you were really my friend you’d find something cheap or free we could do all together, but then i suppose i’ve learnt from this that people i consider my friends actually aren’t. its so tough having no room to grow atm, having no job, ive done a course, ive tried my best, im still trying everyday and on top of that im losing friends because they have no interest or use for me anymore. its just like a huge stab in the back and now its making me question everything about myself, maybe im a shit friend? maybe they never even liked me? maybe nobody actually likes me? ergh, im not even angry anymore, i just feel miserable and so shit about myself and everything
okay tomorrow i am actually going to get up at 5 and go for a run, its so pretty just before the sun comes up and it’ll make it easier doing my exercise first thing instead of trying to force myself to do it in the middle of the day
taking pills is so much fun, id never thought id get into it and want to do it but i actually prefer it so much more than alcohol, im always happy on it, i dont argue with my best friend, and all i want to do is dance, plus i dont end up eating a maccas meal at the end of the night which is a plus hahahaah the only downside is i completely lose my sex drive, not just for that night but for like the coming weeks after, i just dont have any interest in hooking up with anyone but then i suppose thats a good thing because the only people that want to treat me like shit